my_island_life

08:49 pm: Really tired......of everything.  Just when it seems like everything is going in the right direction something happens, it's amazing how just a few words can cause so much hurt and pain.  I keep saying things like "I wish"  "I want"  but when the realization hits that none of it is going to happen..........ouch.  I just wish that sometimes I could curl up in a ball and sleep for days, maybe even weeks. 

09:02 pm: Watching Glee, for the first time.  It is thoroughly entertaining and the music selections are outstanding!  Now if only I had more time to be home to see every episode. 

Starting back at the hotel this weekend!  I am really excited to be back in my element.  Ever since I left back in October I have felt off and things just haven't been working out :-(   So, even though I'll be working 7 days a week again I think it will be worth it and will help my mood.

Other than that not too much is new.  Been kind of down lately, I just don't understand people - just when you think you are getting to know a person........bam.  All of the sudden your world gets turned upside down.  It's times like these that I wish I could turn back time and do things differently.  I know that we're not supposed to dwell on the past, but it is really hard not to.

11:11 pm: "What am I supposed to do when the best thing in life was always you?"

Going through kind of an emotional roller coaster of a time right now.  Praying that things work out how I want them to - but we all know how that goes sometimes.......at least praying that things become a little clearer than mud.

Was surfing the interwebs today and (re) found this story / poem deal,  it works to help my emotions right now. 

Happiness lies for those who cry
It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone
and a day to love someone.  But it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more
painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that
person know how you feel. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong
people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the
right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance
in a relationship and find out you still care for that person. A sad
thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to
find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to
let go.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing
with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the
best conversation you've ever had. It's true that we don't know what
we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what
we've been missing until it arrives. Giving someone all your love is
never assurance that they'll love you back!

Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart,
but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. There are things you'd
love to hear that you would never hear from the person whom you would
like to hear them from, but don't be so deaf as not to hear it from
the one who says it from his heart.

Never say good-bye if you still want to try — never give up if you
still feel you can go on — never say you don't love a person anymore
if you can't let go. Love comes to those who still hope although
they've been disappointed; to those who still believe, although
they've been betrayed; to those who still need to love, although
they've been hurt before; and to those who have the courage and faith
to build trust again.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that
fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a
smile to make a dark day seem bright. There are moments in life when
you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your
dreams and hug them for real! Hope you dream of that special someone.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you
want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all
the things you want to do. Always put yourself in others' shoes. If
you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too. A
careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a
timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything.
They just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have
searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the
importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear. The
brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't
go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and
heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was
smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is
smiling and everyone around you is crying.

-- Author Unknown

I totally had to up and leave work today after reading this........it's definitely not cool to cry in front of the boss :-/ but some things just can't be helped.  I hope that everyone, or anyone that still reads this, has a fantastic week! 

Signed:  ~Someone who things you're terrific~


 

11:08 pm: I need a roadmap to life please.........
Sometimes it seems like life is going well and nothing can happen to take it off track..........then you get your legs knocked out from under you and the air sucked from your lungs. 

You start asking yourself what if?  why? how? etc. etc.   

I only wish that these questions weren't so hard to answer; I just keep praying hoping that an answer is quick to come and is definitive in nature - haha.  One can hope right. 

12:16 am:
What a crappy week - details to come.  Until then I leave you with this:

"We Wear the Mask

 

    WE wear the mask that grins and lies,
    It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
    This debt we pay to human guile;
    With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
    And mouth with myriad subtleties.

    Why should the world be over-wise,
    In counting all our tears and sighs?
    Nay, let them only see us, while
            We wear the mask.

    We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
    To thee from tortured souls arise.
    We sing, but oh the clay is vile
    Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
    But let the world dream otherwise,
            We wear the mask! "

I believe Paul Lawrence Dunbar can express it much better than I can.

12:45 am: I'm back again.......I know, long time doesn't even begin to describe how long it's been........ I guess that just goes to show y'all (if there is anyone that still reads this) how interesting my life is. In recent news......LIFE IS GREAT!!!!!  I have been traveling to down town Houston and visiting up there - trying to broaden my horizons.  It's been an interesting and inspiring experience.  I also got myself a "real people job" as a ships agent - it's really interesting - I have been on numerous oil tankers in the past 8 weeks and a couple of cement ships plus gone off-shore twice where I had to jump from a small (relatively speaking) boat onto a rope laddar hanging down the side  of an oil tanker!  It's a thrilling event.  I also got myself an early Christmas present..........the Bronco rolled over to 170,000 miles, so I decided to get something newer and a little more environmentally friendly (thats the environmentalist coming out in me).  I got an '06 Mercury Mariner Hybrid - still and SUV with all wheel drive - but it gets the same fuel milage as my old Ford Escort did :)  It's entertaining and has lots of buttons for me to play with :)  Thankfully for everyone else on the road it doesn't let me play with the Nav system while driving.......otherwise we could have problems.  I hope that everyone is ready for/has a very Merry Christmas - filled with much laughter, food, family, and of course booze (to keep everyone sane of course) and a very Happy New Year!!!!!!!

11:42 pm: Holy Cow......
I can't believe that this thing still exists. 

Since the last post, way back in December.....many things have changed. 

First and foremost, I was finally able to move back into my house in January.  It was a long and frustrating process that is still ongoing in some respects.  it feels great to be back, everything following the storm is now described in some way to the storm.  This whole ordeal has made me realize that things don't stay the same and changes happen quickly and don't ask you if you are ready.  It has also made me realize how good people can be.........The Salvation Army trucks from North and South Carolina would come around and deliver hot meals, or would set up camp at the water tower.  Never did I think that a hot meal would feel so great. 

Then came the first hot shower.....OMG!  It was amazing, especially since I re-ran the gas line and installed the water heater myself, well with the help of friends.....b/c it weighed more that I do......it's the little things in life that one takes for granted until they aren't there anymore. 

On a lighter note, sorry for the melancholy-ness this evening; I graduated in May.....it's hard to believe that four years have passed since beginning college.  Still don't have a "real" job, but I'm doing well and making ends meet.......not too worried about it. 

I hope that this note finds everyone, if anyone still reads this, well.  Have a great evening, I'm off to bed....work from 6am-1 or 2 am tomorrow....Good night.

01:10 am: Today I sat down and realized that we are only here for a week and two days longer.  It made me happy.  Plus, I have rewired my living room, dining room, and a bed room.  Which leaves me with just the kitchen, and two other bedrooms left to work on.  I also got all of my sub-floor re-installed.  All I need now is for an electrician to replace my electrical panel and for the contractor to come in and redo the sheet rock.  I should be in by the end of December, by Christmas would be nice, however it may not happen. 

In other news, I only have a few finals that I actually have to take, unfortunately one of those is on the 10th, so that means I have to be here until the last day of school, then it's home sweet home.  I have also decided that I need to take a vacation from everything in the new year, so I will be in Pennsylvania from January 3rd until the 9th.  I am excited to come back and see people I have neglected for a while, but am not looking foreward to the cold of winter.

I hope that this note finds everyone doing well.  Enjoy the rest of the week!

11:01 pm: Sweet Home College Station....
...scratch that, Sweet Home Freddiesville.  As much as I have tried to stay positive about this whole moving to College Station thing it just isn't working out for me as much.  I like it here, I really do, there are so many people...so much to do.....it's convienient for football games.  BUT...it's not home.  I miss my kitchen....with it's yellowed linoleum.  I miss my shower that was a foot too short to take a decent shower.  I miss.....THE ISLAND!  It truely is a different life......slow paced......relaxed feel....it IS home for me.  I want to go back...ASAP.  

11:21 pm: Post storm life.....
So it's definitely been a really long time since I have been on here and a lot has happened in that time.  In the last entry I had said that I was looking to buy a home but someone had put an offer on it....well, as it turned out....their offer did fall through and I ended up with a new house.  Everything was going well, I had just painted the dining room maroon and my bedroom blue.  Life was good, then a little storm called Ike rolled into the gulf.  If only we knew how bad everything was going to be I think we all would have done things a lot different.  As it turns out the hurricane didn't hit where they had originally planned...it hit g-town dead on.  We ended up with 4 feet of water in the house and lost everything we had:(  Our school moved us to College Station to finish the semester.  All I know is that it's hard to believe that you can lose everything that you have worked your entire life to gain in just the blink of an eye. 
Life up here isn't all that bad, I'm getting used to going to school with 48,000 other people...it's just not the life I'm used to.  I really just want my house back and want the island back.  As ghetto as it is, I still like living there. Ok, well I guess that's really all that I have to say right now.  Maybe if I can think of anything else I'll just post another deal up here....Peace Out for now.